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Houston, Is There a Problem? journal entry (chapters 6-10)

Imagine you are Houston, and you are writing a journal entry about the events in chapters 6 to 10. Describe the events from your perspective, using the first-person voice. Make sure to express your thoughts and feelings, and use descriptive language to bring the scenes to life. Pay attention to proper capitalization and punctuation. Your journal entry should be approximately 500 words.

Level 1:
- Knowledge: Demonstrates limited understanding of the events in chapters 6 to 10.
- Thinking: Uses few or irrelevant details to express thoughts and feelings.
- Communication: Uses first-person voice with limited effectiveness; numerous errors in capitalization and punctuation make the entry difficult to understand.

Level 2:
- Knowledge: Demonstrates some understanding of the events in chapters 6 to 10.
- Thinking: Uses some relevant details to express thoughts and feelings with some effectiveness.
- Communication: Uses first-person voice with some effectiveness; occasional errors in capitalization and punctuation somewhat hinder clarity.

Level 3:
- Knowledge: Demonstrates considerable understanding of the events in chapters 6 to 10.
- Thinking: Effectively uses relevant details to express thoughts and feelings.
- Communication: Uses first-person voice with considerable effectiveness; few errors in capitalization and punctuation do not hinder clarity.

Level 4:
- Knowledge: Demonstrates thorough understanding of the events in chapters 6 to 10.
- Thinking: Skillfully uses relevant and descriptive details to express thoughts and feelings vividly.
- Communication: Uses first-person voice with a high degree of effectiveness; capitalization and punctuation are consistently correct and enhance clarity.

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Submissions

Emily

288 words

July 15 2015 You won’t believe what happened on the second day of camp. Me and my team were worried that we were going to get kicked out of camp for doing the competition differently and Sergeant M...

Your entry has a strong narrative flow, capturing the reader's attention with a series of events that build suspense. However, an area for growth is the need for clearer punctuation and sentence structure. For example, the sentence 'Then I went to go get water for the team and Ashley was there and she accused us of cheating' could be broken into shorter sentences for clarity. Next step: Focus on using punctuation to separate ideas and enhance readability. Try breaking long sentences into shorter ones to improve clarity.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 1

Elijah

420 words

(July 15, 2015)Today at the future space camp we all had to build a 3D shape out of tubes but i thought we could build it on the surface when we finished it it would not sink in the pool so we had to ...

Strength: Your narrative includes a sequence of events that shows an attempt to describe your experiences at space camp, which is a good start. Area for Growth: There are numerous errors in capitalization and punctuation that make the entry difficult to understand. For example, 'i thought we could build it on the surface when we finished it it would not sink in the pool so we had to improvise by putting water in the tubes so it would sink.' This sentence is a run-on and lacks proper punctuation, making it hard to follow. Next Step: Focus on breaking down long sentences into shorter ones and using punctuation marks like periods and commas to separate ideas. This will help improve clarity and make your writing more engaging.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 1
Thinking: Level 1
Communication: Level 1

Elijah

0 words

No feedback provided.

Mackenzie

360 words

while, I realized he just wanted us to really think about what we were doing. His questions made us explain our ideas better and even fix a few small mistakes. In the end, I think it helped us make ou...

Your narrative includes a clear sequence of events, which is a strength in your writing. You effectively describe the situation with Teal's necklace, showing your willingness to help a friend. However, an area for growth is the lack of specific details and the presence of run-on sentences, such as in 'After Ashley finished before me she also admitted how she knew about the run.' This sentence could be clearer and more detailed. Next step: Focus on breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones and adding vivid details to enhance your storytelling. For example, describe how Ashley knew about the run and how that made you feel.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 2

Madison.G

301 words

July 15, 2015 The first activity we did was build a 3D heaptagon at the bottom of a pool. But I thought it would take too long so I forced my group to build it above the water but it wanted to float!...

Your entry has a strong narrative flow, and you include several events from the chapters, such as building the 3D heptagon and the emergency alarm. However, an area for growth is the lack of specific details and clarity in your writing. For example, the sentence 'But I thought it would take too long so I forced my group to build it above the water but it wanted to float!' could be clearer with more precise language and punctuation. Next step: Focus on using vivid details and correct punctuation to enhance clarity and engagement in your writing.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 2

Madison A

572 words

July,15 2015,You will never believe what happened to me on the second day of space camp!me and the rest of the people at space camp were brought up to the pool to do an easy task,’’create a heptagon a...

Your narrative has a strong sense of excitement and adventure, which is engaging for the reader. You effectively convey the thrill of the space camp activities. However, an area for growth is your use of punctuation and capitalization, which often makes the text difficult to follow. For example, in the sentence, 'me and the rest of the people at space camp were brought up to the pool,' the lack of capitalization at the beginning of the sentence and the incorrect use of 'me' instead of 'I' can be distracting. As a next step, focus on revising your work to correct these errors and enhance clarity. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or asking a peer to review your work for punctuation and capitalization errors.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 1

bryer

115 words

July 15, 2015 We had to form a stack and attach it to the bottom of the pool . we win the game Ashley thot I chetide . we or the first team to bid the stack out of the pool . At the next challe...

Strength: You have included several events from the chapters, such as the pool game and the challenge with Ashley's team, which shows some understanding of the text. Area for Growth: Your sentence, 'Ashley thot I chetide,' contains spelling errors that make it difficult to understand. Next Step: Focus on using correct spelling and punctuation to improve clarity. Try reading your sentences out loud to catch errors before finalizing your work.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 1.5
Communication: Level 1

Ryker

446 words

July 15, 2015 We decided to build the 3-D heptagon differently by first building it above the water on the deck but then Sgt. Miller questioned our approach, apparently teal has "attitude" Because sh...

Your narrative includes a variety of events and characters, which shows an attempt to engage with the story. A strength in your work is the effort to describe multiple scenes, such as when you 'squeezed some of the pieces to let water flow into the shape.' This shows some understanding of the events. However, an area for growth is the need for clearer sentence structure and punctuation. For example, the sentence 'Because she screamed at Sgt. Miller not to question how we were building the 3-D heptagon, He did not like that.' is a fragment and lacks clarity. Next step: Focus on breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones and ensure each sentence has a subject and a verb to improve readability.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 1

Caliegh

418 words

July 15,2015 First day at camp, We are at the pool in our group of four me Teal Thomas and Devin we were building the 3D shape differently then others,Sgt.miller came over and was questioning ho...

Your narrative starts with a strong sense of setting, as you describe the first day at camp and the activities at the pool. This helps the reader visualize the scene. However, an area for growth is in the use of punctuation and sentence structure. For example, 'First day at camp, We are at the pool in our group of four me Teal Thomas and Devin we were building the 3D shape differently then others,' is a run-on sentence that makes it difficult to follow your ideas. A next step would be to break down long sentences into shorter ones and use punctuation to separate different ideas. This will make your writing clearer and more engaging for the reader.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 1

McKinley

333 words

07/15/2015 Today I built a 3d heptagon at first I wasnt sure we were not going to get disqualified because when all the other teams built it they built it under the pool but sargent miller never said ...

Your entry has a strong narrative flow, and you effectively use first-person voice to convey your experiences. An area for growth is in your punctuation and sentence structure. For example, the sentence 'Today I built a 3d heptagon at first I wasnt sure we were not going to get disqualified because when all the other teams built it they built it under the pool but sargent miller never said we had to' is a run-on sentence and lacks proper punctuation. Next step: Break down long sentences into shorter ones and use punctuation marks like periods and commas to enhance clarity and readability.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2
Thinking: Level 2
Communication: Level 1.5

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