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Snow vs Desert

Write a persuasive paragraph explaining whether you would prefer to live in a house surrounded by snow or a house surrounded by a desert. Consider factors such as climate, lifestyle, and personal preferences. Use persuasive language to convince your reader of your choice, and ensure your paragraph is approximately 250 words in length.

[KNOWLEDGE]
Forms and Genres
- L1: Demonstrates limited understanding of persuasive writing forms and genres.
- L2: Demonstrates some understanding of persuasive writing forms and genres.
- L3: Demonstrates considerable understanding of persuasive writing forms and genres.
- L4: Demonstrates thorough understanding of persuasive writing forms and genres.

[THINKING]
Planning Skills
- L1: Uses planning skills with limited effectiveness.
- L2: Uses planning skills with some effectiveness.
- L3: Uses planning skills with considerable effectiveness.
- L4: Uses planning skills with thorough effectiveness.

Critical and Creative Thinking
- L1: Uses critical and creative thinking skills with limited effectiveness.
- L2: Uses critical and creative thinking skills with some effectiveness.
- L3: Uses critical and creative thinking skills with considerable effectiveness.
- L4: Uses critical and creative thinking skills with thorough effectiveness.

[COMMUNICATION]
Expression of Ideas
- L1: Expresses ideas with limited clarity and persuasiveness.
- L2: Expresses ideas with some clarity and persuasiveness.
- L3: Expresses ideas with considerable clarity and persuasiveness.
- L4: Expresses ideas with thorough clarity and persuasiveness.

Text Organization
- L1: Organizes text with limited coherence and structure.
- L2: Organizes text with some coherence and structure.
- L3: Organizes text with considerable coherence and structure.
- L4: Organizes text with thorough coherence and structure.

[APPLICATION]
Language Conventions
- L1: Uses language conventions with limited accuracy.
- L2: Uses language conventions with some accuracy.
- L3: Uses language conventions with considerable accuracy.
- L4: Uses language conventions with thorough accuracy.

Vocabulary
- L1: Uses vocabulary with limited precision and variety.
- L2: Uses vocabulary with some precision and variety.
- L3: Uses vocabulary with considerable precision and variety.
- L4: Uses vocabulary with thorough precision and variety.

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Submissions

Janaki

302 words

l would pick a house surrounded by snow because then I will be able to have endless snowy days and it will be snowing everyday. We can also go figure skating. Then you can go do some sledding and skii...

You did a great job describing all the fun activities you can do in the snow. I can really imagine the snowy house you are talking about! However, there are some very long sentences that need to be broken up. This will make your writing easier to read. For example, try to use periods to separate different ideas. Also, make sure to check your spelling, like 'desart' which should be 'desert'. Next time, focus on breaking up long sentences and checking your spelling. Keep up the good work!


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 3
Thinking: Level 3
Communication: Level 3
Application: Level 2

Lana

211 words

This is why I would choose to live in a house surrounded by snow. first, I would rather live surrounded by snow because in the winter, i'm always surrounded with snow and a few months ago, it was snow...

No feedback provided.

Cohen

22 words

i would rather live in the desert then the snow because it is very hot and I like hot better then cold.

No feedback provided.

Tosca

206 words

If I were to choose whether to live in a house surrounded by snow OR desert I would pick to live in a house surrounded by snow . I think people should live in a house surrounded by snow because you wo...

What you did well: You clearly explained why you would choose to live in a snowy place instead of a desert, and you gave good reasons for your choice. What to work on: Be careful of run-on sentences. Some of your sentences are very long and should be broken up into smaller ones. For example, you have a sentence with too many ideas without proper punctuation. Try using periods to separate your thoughts. Also, make sure to use 'than' instead of 'then' when you are comparing things. The Goal: Next time, focus on breaking your ideas into clear, shorter sentences and double-check for the correct use of words like 'than' and 'then.'


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2.5
Thinking: Level 2.5
Communication: Level 2.5
Application: Level 2

Hunter

10 words

I would rather live in the snow because you can

No feedback provided.

Weston

0 words

No feedback provided.

Lennon

259 words

I would choose to live surrounded by snow. I would want to live around snow instead of the desert because of the different food sourses. In the Arctic there are lots of different animals that you can ...

You did a great job explaining why you prefer living in snowy places instead of the desert. You gave lots of reasons and examples, like the different animals and the beautiful scenery. One thing to work on is making sure your sentences are not too long. You have some run-on sentences that need punctuation to separate the ideas. Try using periods or commas to help your reader follow your thoughts better. For your next edit, focus on breaking down long sentences into smaller ones and checking your spelling, especially for words like 'scenery,' 'weapons,' and 'beautiful.'


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 3
Thinking: Level 3
Communication: Level 3
Application: Level 2

sage

104 words

I would prefer to live in a house with snow all around it insted of a house in the desert for these reasons. First reason is if I get cold I can put on more close especially when i'm at school and if...

No feedback provided.

Kasey

95 words

I would rather live in a house surounded by snow and here's why. The first reason is because if you were to live in a house suround by a desert then you would have no source of water .It would also be...

No feedback provided.

Jon

232 words

I would rather live in a house surrounded by snow. I would pick it because you can make snow angels, snow men, have a snow ball fight, make igloos go sledding and more. Also if you're hot you can only...

What you did well: You have great ideas about why living in a house surrounded by snow would be fun. You mentioned lots of activities like making snow angels and igloos, which shows creative thinking.

What to work on: There are a few run-on sentences in your text. A run-on sentence happens when you have two complete ideas but don't use the right punctuation to separate them. For example, 'make igloos go sledding and more' should have commas or be broken into separate sentences. Also, be careful with spelling. Instead of 'close,' you meant 'clothes,' and 'witch' should be 'which.'

The Goal: For your next edit, focus on using punctuation to separate your ideas clearly and double-check your spelling. This will make your writing easier to read.


--- Assessment Summary ---
Knowledge: Level 2.5
Thinking: Level 2.5
Communication: Level 3
Application: Level 2.5

Drafts

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Last Active: [Time]

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l would pick a house surrounded by snow because then I will be able to have endless snowy days and it will be snowing everyday. We can also go figure skating. Then you can go do some sledding and skiing. You can also inside home you can curl up in blankets and drink hot chocolate and have a cosy snowy, nap. If you are ever bored inside your house, you can go outside and play with your friends and build igloos and a big snow castle. Even though you're supposed to make castles in the summer and it's supposed to be a sand castle, you can do whatever you want in the snow! Also, you can jump into a big pile of snow and do snow angels! The best part about living in a house with snow around is that you can see icicles and when you take it and drop it face first and it's so satisfying.You can also find tiny ones small ones big ones and there might be ones that are the size of you!! Another thing that is fun about living in a house surrounded by snow is that if you get a snow colouring bottle then you can take that and squirt it on the snow and the snow can be many different colours! Finally, the best thing about living in a house surrounded by snow is that you can make a slippery slide that you can make on your hill and if you take some hard snow you can slide on it millions of times. You don't have to do it a MILLION times maybe as much as you want would be enough! and then you will have a slippery slide. That's why I would live in a house surrounded by snow rather than a desart!

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l would pick a house surrounded by snow because then I will be able to have endless snowy days and it will be snowing everyday. We can also go figure skating. Then you can go do some sledding and skiing. You can also inside home you can curl up in blankets and drink hot chocolate and have a cosy snowy, nap. If you are ever bored inside your house, you can go outside and play with your friends and build igloos and a big snow castle. Even though you're supposed to make castles in the summer and it's supposed to be a sand castle, you can do whatever you want in the snow! Also, you can jump into a big pile of snow and do snow angels! The best part about living in a house with snow around is that you can see icicles and when you take it and drop it face first and it's so satisfying.You can also find tiny ones small ones big ones and there might be ones that are the size of you!! Another thing that is fun about living in a house surrounded by snow is that if you get a snow colouring bottle then you can take that and squirt it on the snow and the snow can be many different colours! Finally, the best thing about living in a house surrounded by snow is that you can make a slippery slide that you can make on your hill and if you take some hard snow you can slide on it millions of times. You don't have to do it a MILLION times maybe as much as you want would be enough! and then you will have a slippery slide. That's why I would live in a house surrounded by snow rather than a desart!

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l would pick a house surrounded by snow because then I will be able to have endless snowy days and it will be snowing everyday. We can also go figure skating. Then you can go do some sledding and skiing. You can also inside home you can curl up in blankets and drink hot chocolate and have a cosy snowy, nap. If you are ever bored inside your house, you can go outside and play with your friends and build igloos and a big snow castle. Even though you're supposed to make castles in the summer and it's supposed to be a sand castle, you can do whatever you want in the snow! Also, you can jump into a big pile of snow and do snow angels! The best part about living in a house with snow around is that you can see icicles and when you take it and drop it face first and it's so satisfying.You can also find tiny ones small ones big ones and there might be ones that are the size of you!! Another thing that is fun about living in a house surrounded by snow is that if you get a snow colouring bottle then you can take that and squirt it on the snow and the snow can be many different colours! Finally, the best thing about living in a house surrounded by snow is that you can make a slippery slide that you can make on your hill and if you take some hard snow you can slide on it millions of times. You don't have to do it a MILLION times maybe as much as you want would be enough! and then you will have a slippery slide. That's why I would live in a house surrounded by snow rather than a desart!
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